Deciding to Enjoy Your Children

Earlier today, Maya and I ventured out to Babies ‘R’ Us to pick up a couple items (a TV control protector among them). While there, I wandered to the crib bedding section; I’m considering keeping her new room (we move in 2-1/2 weeks) the color it is, so I wanted to see how expensive/difficult it would be to change her bedding. (Answer: paint is cheaper.)

Anyway…as I got closer to the back left corner of BRU, I heard a shrill voice. As I approached closer, I heard detail: a mother yelling at her two daughters (who were riding in the basket of the shopping cart), telling them how bad they were, threatening to throttle them, and generally losing it. I walked past, then hugged Maya and whispered to her that I would strive to never speak to her that way. We continued to browse, but we just couldn’t get away from angry-mommy. Her kids were doing normal kid things…reaching out to touch anything within reach. Dropping a toy out of the cart. Pretty much, just letting it be known that they were bored.

From the mom’s reaction, you’d have thought they were drawing blood and tearing the store down. She took their behavior incredibly personally and was extremely reactive and emotional. I thought about saying something, but I didn’t. I went to another side of the store in the hopes that she’d leave so we could shop in peace.

My reaction to her “style” of “parenting” (I use both terms very loosely) was palpable. I felt anxious. Dizzy. Worried. My heart absolutely broke for the two girls, who really weren’t doing anything abnormal for the 2-5yo range I’d guess they were in. I wonder how being treated like evil, bad, treacherous little girls will affect them as they mature? After I left the store, I realized that I pitied the mother. It’s likely that she grew up with a parent(s) who treated her the same way, and she simply doesn’t know any better.

Oh…right…I had a couple points:

I hate the idea of abortion, but I’m pro-choice. I (briefly) considered termination when I first discovered my pregnancy, but realized that it would be a very bad decision for me. That said, I’m very glad that it WAS an option. I can never feel that my daughter is a burden placed on me without my consent. I don’t feel forced to be a parent; it was my choice. I chose to bring her into my life.

Now that she’s here, it’s also my choice how to respond to her on a day-to-day basis. There are times that she’s frustrating, but even then, if I look past the immediate circumstances, I can see what’s happening: she’s learning her world. She’s learning cause (if I do this) and effect (mama does/doesn’t do that). She’s an experimental scientist. Knowing what she’s doing makes it a lot easier to sit back, tell her “no,” sympathize with her frustration, and ride out the tantrums when they inevitably hit.

There are days that I wonder if maybe I really just am blessed with this wonderful child. I wonder if she’s ridiculously easy, and if I’m just getting off light. But at the same time, I recognize that another parent might find her to be spoiled and difficult. It’s all about interpretation, and I made the decision that I will enjoy being a parent. I hope I never lose sight of that.