Burned-out trash and her bastard offspring
Updates below.
Damn, I think I need to form a band just so I can use that name. I’d better get right on it teaching Maya guitar. Or maybe she could be the drummer.
Via Feministe, this suggestion made me shake my head and laugh (something I do more every day, it would seem):
Is there a way to radically decrease abortions without asking the government to do it? Adoption is often suggested here and that is a good alternative but I think there is another as well.
Marriage. I am not talking just about a return to the “shotgun marriage”; rather, I think an offer of marriage from a man who is not the father but will assume all the traditional responsibilities of fatherhood would be accepted by many unmarried pregnant women. The motif of a man proposing marriage to a woman pregnant with another man’s child is a common one on soap operas that are a fairly good gauge of female fantasy. These stories represent the truth that many pregnant women don’t really want to abort, and would not, if marriage and commitment were offered to them.
Oh. My. Fucking. God. Where should I even begin? The crowd at Feministe, no surprise, focused on what I, as a pro-choice woman, find to me a little closer to reality — my reality anyway — that many women simply have no. desire. whatsoever. to marry purely for the sake of being married, pregnancy or no. There’s lots of good rifting on the “soap opera” motiff (best example here), and on the simple reality that many of us wouldn’t come anywhere near the sort of man who’d volunteer for this “program.”
But here’s where my head started to lift off my shoulders and rapidly spin around. I read the comments on the actual article. Here’s a summary of the basic points:
- Waaahhhh. This means the good guys (trans: pro-life) would be taken by the nasty, icky sluts!
- Icky slutty single pregnant women would use this to force a non-bio-father into paying child support. Those manipulative bitches! After they trap him, they’ll dump him, sue for support, and go back to fucking lowlifes.
- Why can’t women take responsibility for their own lives (instead of taking on the good-boy-groom-for-life)? What happened to “hear me roar”?
- (this one’s verbatim) Uh… no. I’m not going to obligate myself to raise some other schmuck’s kid, with a flaky woman whose only accomplishment in life is to get knocked up.
- (verbatim again, because it’s just so…*ralph*)No man, good or bad is going to take burned-out trash and her bastard offspring without big compensation.
- What you fail to mention is that the area of sexual and reproductive rights has always been totally dominated by women. At best men have been treated as little more than helpful bystanders. (…) If you want to have a lower number of abortion then either give back 50 % of all sexual and reproductive power to men or have it forcefully taken from you by the development of the artificial womb. (Ed: shudder)
- Women would use up the generous donors and not appreciate it at all. Women, in general (at least the kind who get knocked up) are selfish and always make bad decisions.
I now see that this article takes pings, so I’m going to give the URL rather than linking:
http://mensnewsdaily.com/2006/06/29/grooms-for-life/
I’ve already seen what happens when this sort of people come to my site. Presumptuous judgement! Woo-hoo! Let’s have a party and tell Allison what a nasty, slutty, selfish whore she is!
SIGH. I’m remembering now why I shy away from dating conservatives. Besides simply disagreeing with them politically, why in the world would I want to come anywhere near someone who would make so many assumptioins about who I am and what my life is all about?
Sheesh. When I started writing, I planned to make light and joke about this ridiculous idea, but now I’m just pissed.
~~~~~
Updates:
The inline URL *still* created a ping, so I might as well give you guys — all two of you — a direct link. I can only pray there aren’t many new MND readers of this article since it’s not from today.
Kyso has posted commentary at punkassblog here about what great satire this would make…if only the auther weren’t serious. Also see this, about the idea that men somehow have no say in reproductive issues.
punkass marc (also at punkassblog, imagine that) wrote a brilliant demonstration of what a utopia this would create in real life. It’s hillarious, but the ungrateful-whore-in-question is called Allison, nicknamed Alli. I’m not sure if I should giggle or throw up?
Posted by Allison in single motherhood, annoy me, amuse me, culture |
June 30th, 2006 at 8:32 pm
ARRGH! Some people. Stay radical!
July 4th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
I just saw your comments on Femniste about a blog article some woman wrote about dating and you had wondered what lauren would say. I came to your site and see you’ve also picked up on that peice that I found from punkass.
Yes, I saw the commenters and it is truly hard to believe that there are men out there that hate women so much. But then, all I need to do is think back to my times as a single mother on welfare and I remember well the hatred, directed at me and my kids.
As for dating, I never did. See, I had three kids and was pretty much used up in most men’s eyes and being ignored and rejected after mentioning I had kids was not an experience I sought after. Also, I was on welfare, going to college just when welfare ‘reform’ became the political issue dujour. If I had gone around town today in a burka shouting “Die Infidels”, I don’t think I’d be more hated than I was then.
My kids are grown now and i’m onto better things. I never did finish college like I had hoped, after three tried at three different schools, I had my kids to take care of and I once I decided the kids were better able to manage some time alone, I went out into the working world again.
Which leads to the fact that with three kids and no resources, no time or energy was left for dating. Much less the fact that I became fearful of people overall because of the social alienation I always was met with.
As a single mother, I guess what I’m saying is that I couldn’t relate to the woman’s article much at all. My experience was pretty hellish.
Motherhood is hard for married women with funds to survive, it is hell for a woman branded as a whore just because she has three kids. Three kids mind you, from the same man to which I was married. You know how many times I had to make that point?
I never knew how men and people in general disrespect women and their privacy and their space, walking into my house without an invite, demanding personal information without just cause, haranguing and harrassing at every chance, treating me like a child.
Well, I’ll stop there. Its an old wound but its healing. I don’t know what you thought of the article about the woman dating. I guess for me, it kind of wrankles me that women feel they must go out and catch a man. With one child she has a chance, if she wants it.
When I decided to accept that I didn’t want to deal with men who didn’t want to deal with my kids, I just focused on them and myself. Then within a few years, I had learned to nurture myself, build my own inner strength and viola! I find I have goals for myself and i am happy to be acheiving them and although I may enjoy a partner or a friend, I will never NEED a man.
July 6th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
You rock! As a fellow single mama blogger, I just added a link to you from my site, www.singlemomseeking.com
July 26th, 2006 at 10:34 am
You know Allison, a little over 50 years ago now my mother got pregnant. She was unfortunately not married at the time. That was probably the worst thing that happened in her life, because the bastard who got her pregnant skipped out on her, and she could not get an abortion (could not afford it and no one would provide such a service back then), and she chose not go adopt me out. A little over ten years later she was dead.
No man, good or bad is going to take burned-out trash and her bastard offspring without big compensation.
Well, my mother eventually met a man who was prepared to support her and her bastard child. The compensation he wanted, obviously, was sex. After a while, when it wasn’t fortcoming enough, but only when he was drunk, much abuse occurred. The memories are not pleasant.
My advice to women is: Don’t get pregnant unless you are pretty certain that the guy is going to stick around. While raising a child by yourself can be done, I chose to stick around because I know the costs associated with being a child with only one parent.
July 26th, 2006 at 1:08 pm
Loki: A little over ten years later she was dead.
Whew, now isn’t *that* a ray of sunshine?
No man, good or bad is going to take burned-out trash…
I’m not sure if you realize that I’m quoting someone over at mensnewsdaily.com — this is not my opinion — more my rolling my eyes at someone else’s assumptions. I live a good, if busy, life and by no means consider myself “burned-out trash.”
My advice to women is: Don’t get pregnant unless you are pretty certain that the guy is going to stick around. While raising a child by yourself can be done, I chose to stick around because I know the costs associated with being a child with only one parent.
Good advice, in most cases. In my situation, I experienced something that was close to date rape by someone I barely knew. It wasn’t that I said yes…I just stopped saying no (tired of pushing hands away, etc.). That’s not an excuse — it just is. Would I handle myself differently today? Absolutely. For my own reasons at the time, I took what seemed to be a path of less resistance — to stop fighting, then decide to not see the man again.
In my case, abortion was an option — another era, finances available, etc. It was something I considered, then rejected. However, if I’d been younger and unable to support a child, I might have gone that route (or, more likely, adoption).
Thanks for sharing your story.
July 26th, 2006 at 1:19 pm
“No man, good or bad is going to take burned-out trash…”
I’m not sure if you realize that I’m quoting someone over at mensnewsdaily.com — this is not my opinion — more my rolling my eyes at someone else’s assumptions. I live a good, if busy, life and by no means consider myself “burned-out trash.”
Oh I realized that it had not come out of your mouth. Those are the words of men who have lots of choices (and younger men at that). Those who have less choice realize (at least at a gut level) how much women will do for their children.
I only wish that my mother did not have to make the compromises she did, but such is life, in all its twists and turns.