Online Dating Recommendations
Oh, the things you find by reading science blogs. God, I love sci/medblogs.
From Amy in the comments at Orac’s place:
I think, to be successful in Internet dating, you need to use a site like Matchmaker.com, where there’s a good filtering engine, and also put stuff in your profile that filters out, in this girl’s case, anybody rational. In my case, when I was on the market, I advertised for my “mate minimums”: Tall, rational, evolved, man of character who thinks for a living and cares about making a difference in the world. I also explained who should not apply: god believers, Hollywood lawyers (although I would date civil rights lawyers and constitutional scholars).
Before I met my boyfriend, I was a dating snob, and not in the usual way, and I think it’s important to be snotty enough in your descriptor of who you don’t want that you chase many or most of the unacceptable away. The language that chases them away will also serve as an attractor to those you want; ie, “I don’t have an astrological sign. If pressed, I’ll admit to my sign being ‘no parking, street cleaning Wednesdays, 11-noon.’
Her response to inquiries about her sign is brilliant. And, she’s absolutely correct that the best way to find the right type is to be pretty snotty about your description of whom you’re seeking.
August 14th, 2006 at 12:45 pm
Hey, thanks for linking to my thoughts. People will criticize others for being “too choosy.” What you have to be is judiciously choosy. If you aren’t attracted to blonds, you’re not going to get attracted to them. If that doesn’t matter to you, great. Know your limitations and your needs, and you’ll save yourself a lot of time and bad dates.
PS I write a syndicated advice column, The Advice Goddess, but it’s based in science and reason, which means I don’t run in as many papers as I would if I merely pulled my advice out of an, ahem, unsunny area. The comment above on Orac’s site relates to our evolved ability to deal with only a small number of options. We think we want numerous options, but when we have them, we tend to choose badly and be unhappy with our choice afterward.
People who don’t have a “narrowcast” idea of who they want should lock themselves in their houses until they figure it out, because they’re their own worst enemies. If you have no standards, you simply go with whomever you’re attracted to; attraction being important, but if the person’s an attractive fundamentalist and you’re an atheist, you’ve got problems. Of course, before you can know what you want in another person, you’d better know yourself.
August 16th, 2006 at 3:22 pm
I actually found your website from your comment on Orac’s blog. In the interests of full disclosure met my wife on match.com and we have a couple of pre-school age kids, so I can relate to much of what you write about.
Great stuff! I’ll have to check in more often…