The Cloak. Nice. Heh, um…okay. If you feel such a driving need to read dozens of my ramblings, you go right ahead. Tell ya what — I’ll even unblock your home address IP, just to make it a little less inconvenient for you (and creepy to me). Enjoy!

Allison & Mike
November 24, 2006

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Why yes…we did go through with it!

Thanks a million to everyone who came to celebrate with us — you made it quite a memorable evening!

To those who actually know me and call me — I have a new cell phone number. If you need/want it, drop me a line via email: meanderwithme (at) gmail (dot) com.

No time to navel-gaze today, but do take a look at Andrew Solomon’s column from today’s New York Times:

Our Great Depression

Following this model, the National Institute of Mental Health should coordinate and subsidize a national network of depression centers, ideally based at research universities with good hospitals and departments devoted to the subject.

The University of Michigan, host to the country’s first national depression center, which opened its doors last month, has been a pioneer in this regard. More than 135 experts on depression and bipolar disorder will collaborate there, about half of them psychiatrists. The center has a large clinical treatment program and a genetic database that will house samples from tens of thousands of depressed and bipolar patients. It is sponsoring social and biological research and pressing for policy initiatives related to mental illness.

I’d love to find a way to be involved.

Yes, I really will redesign the blog at some point. I know, I know. Within a short number of days (single digits), I will no longer be a single mom. I’m also no longer finding myself to be that much of a seeker, but more of a learner, if the distinction makes sense to you. Anyway, it’ll come. Just give me time. Please, I could use some!

If you’ve stopped by much at all lately, you know my blogging has dwindled down to pretty much nil — especially since I moved to Santa Fe.

While I *could* blame this on the upcoming wedding, that’s not it. I’ve realized something — I have no time to myself.

What? Wait a second, don’t you normally grouse about having no adult company ever because of working from home? Sure, that’s true. I’m alone all day. But that time is filled with other obligations: work (first and foremost), daily house-stuff, duties that require business hours, etc. If I spend time during the day contemplating my navel, a severe case of guilt ensues. So, I work, but not nearly as well/efficiently as I should. Then the afternoon arrives, and I feel a sense of relief (no more guilt at half-assed work; the day’s over!) as I go to pick up Maya. From there, I’m distracted by a 2-year-old (great distraction tool) from my own thoughts. With that particular cute distraction hanging from my legs, I strain to get some dinnerish food together while keeping her from feeling ignored — after all, she’s been away from me all day.

By the time Mike comes in, I’m fairly desperate for something. It could be some time with Maya when I don’t need to be doing something else (dinner, for instance). It could be that I need some time to myself to simply think and work out what’s going on in my head. The problem is, we (as a couple) also need time together — but I find that I’m there, but with issues. Because I haven’t taken the time to figure out what’s going on in my own head, they (the issues and thoughts I’ve ignored day after day) bubble to the surface and color every interaction we have.

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Added: This should have been fairly obvious to me, but hey…remember, I’m not giving myself time to introspect much these days. By the time Mike comes home, my immediate need (extrovert that I am) is for time around another adult. That trumps my need for time with myself. Since he’s an introvert (and has been around people, if not interacting with them) all day, he doesn’t necessarily need the same. On top of that, as much as his 45 minutes each way commute is a pain, it does give him some time for thinking. And I wonder why it seems like every night turns into a Conversation?

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This, invariably leads to a “capital-C” Conversation. You know, these are the ones where we’re supposed to be actively listening to each other and improving our relationshiop. The problem is, because I don’t get (or take) the time to get inside my own head, I’m pretty inept about explaining my needs, since I don’t even know them myself.

Maybe I only felt so emotionally healthy before moving simply because I had at least an hour or so every night/day in which I could yank thoughts out of my head and turn them into concepts. These days, I’m feeling somewhat like a feather in the wind, and it’s frustrating, because I know how I *normally* am, and how I should be.

I’ve got to find a way to make my life sustainable. This ain’t it.

From the NYT: World Leaders Release Plan for Resolving East/West Rift

Mr. Annan said in a written statement: “The problem is not the Koran or the Torah or the Bible. Indeed, I have often said that the problem is never the faith, it is the faithful and how they behave toward each other.”

Also from NYT: For Evangelicals, Supporting Israel Is ‘God’s Foreign Policy’

Mr. Hagee says his message for the White House was, “Every time there has been a fight like [Lebanon in July] over the last 50 years, the State Department would send someone over in a jet to call for a cease-fire. The terrorists would rest, rearm and retaliate.” He added, “Appeasement has never helped the Jewish people.”

One side says to educate and to teach people how to see each other as human. The other says to bomb them all. Gee, I wonder why we don’t have any peace in the Middle East? At this point, I’m really wanting to re-read Tom Robbins’ Skinny Legs and All. The storyline used to seem like an over-the-top farce of people trying to force God’s hand for the end times. Now, it seems not only plausible, but likely.

I have a phone interview for this job. In fifteen minutes.

Eeep!