I like it, even if it does inspire me to break into song…

Oh, he’s a lumberjack, and he’s okay!

Via DailyKos, I bring you today’s amusement. If you were one of Sarah Palin’s kids, what *would* your name be?

Leave your name in the comments.

I know what I’m doing on Thursday!

Some truth of the matter, courtesy Planned Parenthood:

Psssst…pass it on.

Gavin was avoiding sleep, fussing in his swing. Maya walked over to him, cooed at him and gently gave him a pacifier (which did, actually, pacify him — go figure).

“Maya, you’re a really sweet big sister.”

(not even looking up from her puzzle) “Hmmm.”

“You really just wanted him to be quiet, didn’t you?”

“Yup.”

At least she’s honest about it.

No, really.

Wahhhh! Moooo-oooom, they’re picking on me! I thought they were MY friends!

(nice visual, eh?)

Over the past few weeks, I’ve started to wonder (fear, actually) that I might need my meds adjusted upward. Anxiety has crept in. A general cantankerousness has joined my normally happy demeanor. I’m not excited about my life. And most of all, I find myself engaging in a thought script that involves a lot of doubt about myself, my life, and my choices. All of these are big red flag type indicators that something is amiss. But I’m only now spending the time delving in. Why?

For one thing, I’d be lying if I said pride wasn’t a factor. Yes, I might be on an antidepressant, but I’m on a low dose, and have never needed anything more than that. Pretty stupid, huh?

Beyond that, I have a case of fear-based “what if”s. What if I raise the dose, and that only helps for a brief time before I start tumbling again? What if I am *gasp* irreparably broken? If so, why fight? Why not just accept? Well, there is that teensy issue that life quickly becomes not worth much if I do give in.

Finally, I realized that if I’m needing a dose-boost, perhaps that means that there are non-medication fixes that I need in my life. Okay, not “perhaps” there are, but undoubtedly, there are changes that I need to make. And the biggest change I need to make is that I must — just must — get thoughts out of my head for processing more often. I rarely write any more, and when I do, it’s not of much substance, just a quote and a quip.

So, here I am, with a brain full-to-bursting of ideas, thoughts, emotions, and writing material. Why am I not writing?

Self-censorship.

This is a big deal, one that I’ve touched upon before. Wow, how much things have changed since those days, huh? What remains true is that for me to write well, I need to allow myself the freedom to write whatever strikes me, without worry about who’s reading. Does that mean I should just journal privately? Well, no — I don’t think so. Part of the fulfilling nature of writing for me is in having feedback (even the absence of feedback is feedback)!

Crap. I realize now, I’m censoring myself even in writing about censorship. Crap, crap, crap.

Moving on (since I’m a bit stuck), I moved to my current town (and it IS a town — only 20k people give or take, and an hour+ drive to Santa Fe) in February. As a result, while I have a few “friends” those friendships are more of the acquaintance variety. And, I do have a few very close friendships I maintain remotely, but how much do I want to dump on those folks with what’s in my head? At least one of my good friends, I’ve come to almost develop a complex about how much I’ve used her ear as I’ve struggled (yes, struggled) through the last two years. Yet, just the way my mind works (truly, I am very much an extrovert in how I process information), I must get thoughts out of my head in order to make sense of them. If I just think things over, it’s as if my brain is scratched CD. I’ll move on to other thoughts, just to have my current issue grab me again. If I write thoughts down, I can swim around in them a bit, picking them up and examining them one at a time, rearranging them until they make a modicum of sense to me. I can find patterns rather than being stuck with details. Telling my thoughts as a story, the story starts to take shape. I have a somewhat cohesive (if confusing) whole rather than a million discreet bits of mental debris.

But, if I write about my husband, he has this address. If I write about my beliefs regarding religion, it feels like I alienate people whom I love dearly, but who I know are believers. And in some cases, I have people I know in real life who read, but might not have the maturity of tact when sharing my thoughts with others.

Is it time for a new blog? What does it mean to be authentically myself, complete with the ugly parts and inconsistencies, and how do I balance that with kindness and compassion?

Whatever the answer, I need to find an outlet for all of this clutter that’s in my head. It’s making me crazy.

I received this with the title “YOU MUST TAKE THE TIME TO WATCH THIS!” in my inbox.

Please take just a few to watch an extremely well done video.

Take a look at this video on Obama’s support of infanticide:
http://tw.youtube.com/watch?v=VIdbYjmbFzo

.

I feel like I’m supposed to give a preface to my reply for blogging purposes…but no, I think this says it all. My reply:

(first name),

I am an Obama supporter. One who’s informed enough to realize that this is entirely misleading propaganda. One who’s also donated a sizeable amount to his campaign and very strongly hopes he will become our next President, because he will do very well for our country.

If you are honestly interested in learning Senator Obama’s record and position on this issue, here is a link where the details are presented in their entirely. The campaign’s summary of this issue:

STATEMENT
“Senator Obama strongly supports Roe v. Wade and a woman’s right to choose. He believes that there is a moral and ethical element to this issue, and he believes that women do not make these decisions casually, but wrestle with them in consultation with their doctors, pastors and family. Senator Obama understands that some will disagree with him and choose not to support him, and he respects those with different opinions. But the recent attacks on Senator Obama that allege he would allow babies born alive to die are outrageous lies. The suggestion that Obama — the proud father of two little girls — and others who opposed these bills supported infanticide is deeply offensive and insulting. There is no room for these kinds of distortions and lies in this campaign. What Senator Obama’s attackers don’t tell you is that existing Illinois law already requires doctors to provide medical care in the very rare case that babies are born alive during abortions. They will not tell you that Obama voted against these laws in Illinois because they were clear attempts to undermine Roe v. Wade. They will not tell you that these laws were also opposed by pro-choice Republicans and the Illinois Medical Society — a leading association of doctors in the state. And they will not tell you that Obama has always maintained that he would have voted for the federal version of this bill, which did not pose such a threat. The bills Senator Obama voted against in Illinois were crafted to undermine Roe v. Wade or pre-existing Illinois state law regulating reproductive healthcare and medical practice, which is why Senator Obama objected to them.” (emphasis added by Allison)

Yes, Senator Obama is pro-choice. So am I. When I learned that I was quite unexpectedly pregnant with Maya, I was shocked at how quickly I began to contemplate termination. No one would have ever known, other than my absolute closest confidant — my cousin whi is more like a sister to me. I would have “looked” completely responsible (sexually) to anyone who saw from the outside. I put serious thought into it, and in the end, I decided that for me, termination would not have been the right choice. In the end, I have Maya.

It would be easy to look at Maya and say, “See? Abortion is wrong; it would have kept you from having this amazing little girl!” I don’t see it that way at all. What the availability of termination did for me is made my choice to become a parent just that; a choice. I can never, ever look at Maya and motherhood as someone/thing forced into my life. I decided to become her parent, and I am a better mother because of having the option to choose to not be a parent in the first place.

I know this is long, and I hope you take it as it’s intended — not as an attack, but purely as a window in the minds of people who think differently than you do. I am not evil. People who support “the other guy” aren’t evil. We’re also not blindly following someone who’s supposedly-vacuous speeches make us feel good. We’ve put thought into our decisions.

Back to the original video, it’s worth taking a look at the context in which decisions are made. Reality is rarely as simple as it appears on the surface

With much love,
Allison
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The average person thinks he isn’t.
- Father Larry Lorenzoni