As if I needed justification? Conveniently, I already had a mom-date on the books for tonight with a group of local gals whom I really like — smart, funny, and educated! If I weren’t working, I’d see them more often…but damn it all…

One gal sent this article with the email titled, “Proof that moms’ nights out are medically necessary:”

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In at least one anti-feminist post, I’ve read people posit that they “used to be feminist, but then [they] had kids.”

What.Ever.

Having a daughter has been an eye-opening experience about gender roles in our society. While I might have some left over baggage from the messages I’ve heard all my life, you’d better damned well know I will fight like crazy to ensure my daughter doesn’t hear the same. Maya has inspired me to learn more about (and embrace) feminism.

I’ve always loved Disney animated movies. My senior year in high school, I wrote an essay for English that looked at their place in movie culture and beginnings with Snow White. These days, however, I see them very differently as I look at the messages about gender roles that they may deliver to my toddler’s spongelike psyche.

We planned a 6-mile hike this morning, but the weather didn’t cooperate. It’s Saturday morning at the movies instead, and The Little Mermaid is on display. I’ve avoided picking up some of the older Disney “princess” movies, but it’s time to shelf this one too, as much as I’ve loved it. Here’s my take on the messages this movie imparts:

1. A girl *needs* a guy to be complete.
2. Girls are empty-headed and care about nothing more than catching the cute prince’s attention.
3. Girls should throw away their talents in order to get the guy.
4. If a woman is powerful, she is an evil bitch.
5. If a woman is powerful, she is ugly and undesirable.
6. The fat girl won’t get the guy. (song: Poor Unfortunate Souls)
7. The scrawny guy won’t get the girl.
8. Being thin (female) or muscular (male) and coupled up = happiness.
9. Even when you’ve thrown your life down the toilet, it’s okay. Daddy will step in to save you. (Let’s not analyze this one too closely, shall we?)
10. It’s okay to marry at 16, before you’ve even come close to developing a concept of self. After all, the (equally empty-headed) Prince will look after you.

Don’t even get me started on the concept of happily-ever-after. Life is real, and marriage is just the beginning of a new part of your life, not a happy ending. Anyone who thinks otherwise is begging for misery (and lots of marriage counseling and/or divorce) farther down the road.

I’m sure there’s more, but that’s what comes to me off the top of my head. This makes me very happy that Maya’s favorite movies are Toy Story 1 and 2. While they are significantly lacking in female characters, at least their entire story isn’t rooted in patriarchal bullshit.

The Little Mermaid is now officially shelved. Sigh.

I just finished what was a difficult session with my counselor, but one that provided insight into some ideas I believed true (deep down, if not consciously), but hadn’t even considered.

One of the biggest presenting symptoms for me with this current dip into depression is frustration with my seeming inability to get. stuff. done. It’s not that I’m incapable. It’s not that I don’t know what to do. I just don’t do it. This can be something as simple as mailing invitations for a party or as complex as applying for professional positions and/or graduate school. Through a conversation where my counselor had to pretty much pull ideas from my head with pliers (I just wasn’t getting there on my own and was really tense/anxious.), two primary aspects of my current lie-based thinking emerged:

1. No one will ever take me seriously.
   This one has appended to it, “because I’m a girl.” The very fact that this one existed in my mind is pure embarassment. Yet, there it was. The culture I grew up in contributed more than a little to this — it was the Deep South, in a backwards, redneck, good-ol-boys type of small town. While I *intellectually* reject this notion, it was still lurking in the back of my mind. I’m hopeful that calling it by name will do me some good, because it’s a ridiculous idea.

2. If I am successful, I will be alone.
   This one’s a lot more straightforward, and yet it was the embedded lie that surprised me the most — and which explains the most about my tendency to torpedo anything great I have going in my life. In that backwater town I called home from age 8 to 18, it wasn’t a particularly cool thing to be a smart kid. Especially not a female smart kid. Or a female, goody-goody smart kid. I was all three, and emblematic of that was the “trophy” that I won each and every year I attended one particular private school — a trophy for earning the best grades. I usually would come home with trophies in individual subjects, as well. Being the class brain didn’t earn me a whole lot of popularity — but it did give me a deeply-rooted sense that if I wanted to fit in, ever, I needed to dumb myself down a lot. *Especially* as a female, I needed to not showboat, be the best, and “take away” some prize that “rightfully belonged” to a boy.

   It only follows from this twisted logic, that I *can’t* let myself succeed. I mean, really, the last thing I want is to be ALONE. (To clarify this, I’m not just talking about dating here — this isn’t about being married or not. It’s about enjoying acceptance, camraderie, and a connection in my social life, whether from male or female friends.)

Interesting stuff, that. I feel lighter after pulling this tangled mess out of my head, and I’m hopeful that over the coming days and weeks, my perspectives toward myself and my gender will shift from an superficial intellectual acceptance to a deeper level.

Oh, and maybe I’ll get shit done.

Who the hell picks a username like “DominantDan” anyway?

I am looking for a strong, fiesty spirited submissive who’s willing to challenge my mind, as well as obediently serve her Master for both our needs.

Oh, that’s who. And this person send *me* a wink? Wha…?